1.) FIND A SECOND JOB.

2.) Screen print a design of Rachel Bauer’s face onto a t-shirt. 

3.)  Wear said t-shirt to the airport to in turn welcome my BFF back home after a year in New Zealand.

4.) Continue the May tradition of making a different baked mac ‘n cheese recipe every Sunday night.  Already down:  recipes from Sylvia’s Restaurant in Harlem, Barefoot Cont, Paula Deen, and the cafeteria from East Elementary School in Mount Vernon, Ohio.

5.) Re-organize closet and donate and/or sell clothes that haven’t been worn in over a year.  Oh, hey, thrifted 2XL gold sequined shirt I thought would be cute tucked into black skinny pants in a sweaty, gay night club kind of way — and have never worn.

6.) Camping in Hocking Hills/Cleveland daycation/water park/Comfest.

7.) TWILIGHT: Eclipse on opening night, armed with a pen and paper to construct drinking game rules for film when it’s released on dvd.  Example: Drink every time Bella alludes to how dangerous Edward is, waterfall when Edward sparkles in the sun, etc.  See also:  Only God can judge me.

8.) Save enough cash $$$ from second job I will undoubtedly find early in the month (here’s looking at you, economy)  to purchase plane ticket to go back, back to Cali, Cali (with Will in August).

9.) Get on a boat, sometime, somewhere, someway.

10.) Finish cookbook so I can make copies for friends and family and say I’ve finished the damn thing.

Fact:  People who claim to “listen to everything” don’t really care for or know anything about music at all.

1.) Gas prices.  Seriously, I’m not a Rockefeller.  Also, along that note:  B.P., you are a piece of shit.

2.) Ke$ha.  This girl is basically Uffie, minus the hot bod, ill beats, and excessive profanities.

3.) The TLC channel.  As far as I can tell, they possess no original ideas for series and only rip off other specialty channels such as A&E and the Food Network.  Also, TLC apparently cannot have too many reality shows starring midgets and it’s kind of weird.

4.) Arizona’s disgustingly bigoted immigration law.

5.) Buffalo plaid.  It really perplexes me whenever I see anyone still wearing this print, considering it hasn’t been in style for over two years.  Over done.  Boring.  Blah.

6.) Couples and marrieds who express their adoration via Facebook walls.  Seriously, please STFU.  No one cares.

7.) The tea party growing in popularity.  No, you partiers, Obama is not a Socialist, Muslim, or the Anti-Christ.

8.) Baby on Board bumper stickers.

9.) Columbus sports fans that spend their time cheering for the Buckeyes in the PRE-SEASON and are apathetic to the fact that the Cavs ARE CURRENTLY IN THE PLAYOFFS.   Note:  Game tonight; holla!

10.) Weak dranks from bartenders.  C’mon, give me a heavy hand, especially since I am a generous tipper.

80-year-old woman drinking Faygo at assisted living facility.

Fact:  When it comes to being a juggalo, age ain’t nothing but a number.